Uh lemme just say that Emma thought I was 18. Tf.
Anyways, although Emma thanked me for coming over last year, she politely revealed she had wished for more. It instantly became my goal for her 17th. I think it ties into my need to please people and then also obviously my friendship with Emma, but I stupidly focused a bit too much on this that I started to neglect other things. My original plan, thought up 3 months prior, included a day in Dallas, preferably the Bishop Arts district, ending in wish lanterns on the bridge. Cute, right? Welp, two weeks before, everything is seemingly a go (minus bishop arts a week before because she went with her fam..). I hadn't gotten the absolute okay from mom, but it seemed like enough. I'm always afraid to tell her every little detail because I know she'll pick it apart, for good, but also questionable, reason. Emily started to be a little difficult, but I knew I shouldn't force her. She just always seems to be such an integral part of the fun so I really wanted her to show.
So it's Emma's actual birthday, and let me just say I'm a little bummed but also quite happy - I thought of making a video, ya know the ones she always does for us? Real simple nothing special, but I knew if I were the one to do it, it'd honestly mean nothing to her. I'm too predictable and reliable to her, that it honestly would mean nothing (sometimes, I think we need to have a little conflict..). She told me she cries thinking her friends don't care about her, so I thought, "It'd really be better if Valeria or Katya did this." Two days before her birthday, Valeria sends that "send pics" text. Friggin Lesbian... lmao jk. Although it's what I truly wished for, I kinda thought, "Damn, she beat me." I'm really so glad she did though, because the video was amazing. It made me shed a tear and made Emma bawwll. I could have never pulled anything like that. It's so selfish, but Emma was telling me that she obviously appreciated it so much coming from Valeria. So i just don't think it's fair because Valeria has lows lower than I, but highs higher than I. Knaw wut i'm sayinn? Regardless, I'm happy it made her happy, and I had the chance to see her that day anyways with Katya - fun, quick little hang.
The day before had me real life stressin because I could feel she wouldn't enjoy it. It was getting really difficult with the ride situation and my parents on my ass and Emily coming or not or what and I really really really just wanted to quit. I thought I had an out when Emma said she didn't want to hang, and I canceled on Valeria but Emma said jk so I had to cancel on da cancel. Some how it worked out.
Back to the 'surprise'. This paragraph will first be about the literal of what happened because screw topic sentences right. Emma asked if Kim and Valeria could come, which I attempted to subtly discourage and passively encourage. I got quite excited that she wanted the other girls there! Dad drove Emma, Katya and I to the station, while Patrick drove the rest of the girls simultaneously. We arrived first unfortunately, but Patrick pulled up right behind us and Monica bursted out with a cute little poster. I think Emma reacted in a way that made her face all scrunchy so that made me happy. Yay reunited. (EVELYNNAAA) We boarded the train early, yeah you read that right, EARLY. I think we all looked pretty appropriately cute - good amount of color and such (we gettin there ladies, senior 2k17). Automatically h o t. way to h o t. I also got a little pissy because Emma asked me if I could be their little driver for some k pop ish they wanted me to do like of course i'm your friend and I'd do anything for you but girl dis da second time you using me (200th if you countin all the times you hit me up for homework you lowkey could have found yourself). We stopped by the W (mandatory) and took a few pics and stuff then walked over to Taqueria la Ventana ayee. It was so cute but outdoors but I think we were all okay. Had some good-o tacos and finally finished that game where you throw the washer onto the hook. Katya and I picked up Emily and we met up with the other girls at Klyde. Finnnallly, it cooled down and we began to enjoy ourselves. The weather was nice and we started doing stupid little cart wheels and tumbles and some danced and some didn't. I laughed when Kim gave the Steel City guy her strawberry debit card, and I laugh when Katya and I playfully butt heads, and I laugh when Emma friggin stood right on top of me, or when Valeria pressed send on my dm. Laughter is nice.
Unfortunately, the laughter and good time distracted from time, as it does so naturally, and we realized we only had 12 minutes to get to the station. We needed 20... Audrey was buying an ice cream lmfao so we waited a bit while a few of the girls pulled ahead. We zig zagged through crazy paths and had 3 minutes left by the time we reached the Plaza. oh dear. oh dear. Emily, Audrey, and Nayua were a noticeable distance behind, and Monica, Val and Ev were a noticeable distance ahead. Then about 200 m out, the train arrived. Val's group ran to the rails, but just as they were about to cross the first platform, a friggin dart train raced between the group and the train. WTF. Keep in mind, Katya and I are sprinting to the station as well, Emma and Kim a little behind and the rest jogging. The first group cuts through the DART and enters the train, but right as Katya and I get there, the doors close. HEARTBREAKING. Butttt, katya impulsively clicks the door open button and the doors open. She rushes inside and I stay, frantically pressing the button to keep the door open while YELLLING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS for the girls to HURRY. Emma's not too far behind, but Nayua and the rest haven't reached the station by the time the conductor began to aggressively honk his horn. IDGAF and continue pressing the button, knowing my 2k16 summer depends on whether or not the girls get on the train because if they didn't momma would have disowned my ass. They jump through, and I hop in, not even noticing the dripping sweat, just relieved we all made it. The first group tells me my yells were a bit much but oh whale. We made it - the girls look just about ready to collapse, especially that last group, but we're all safe and fine. Maybe it was the adrenaline (or lowkey maybe because I was the only dork who actually drank water) but I didn't feel too exhausted and I was just so focused on making sure everyone, especially Emma, was alright. When she said she heals quick I believe that heavy though so I wasn't stressin too much but I was a little worried. Dis bitch dont wanna drink water tho so what's a girl gonna do?
*SIDE NOTE: WTF @ TRE STATION. IF YOU SAYS YOU GOIN ARRIVE AT 8:25, DEN
ARRIVE AT 8:25 OR STAY UNTIL 8:27 LIKE YOUZ NORMALLY WOULD. SLUT*
After sweating the rest of our water reserves, we arrived at Centreport and awaited mi madre's arrival. Chatted a bit and my mother arrived. Trying to rush, I speedily went around the front of the car, but a CAR ALMOST RAN OVER ME. My reflexes and mostly the Lord Almighty saved me and I retreated. Car was going damn fast though like wth. Automatically, mother dearest and I started arguing in front of my beloved friends. rip. On our way to Valeria's, we argued quitely yet extensively regarding my future plans and wellbeing. mmmmkkay madre, good timing.
After arriving and cooling down at Valeria's for a little, we took our first shots at the wish lanterns, which Emma seemed to like, which made me smile inside. Although it took FOREVER, we finally figured out how to light the wax fuel box according to the much helpful google translated chinese instructions. The first one took caught, and Emma (not really sure what she was doing tbh lol) started to swing it around singing. I kept trying to tell her to stop because the tissue paper started to catch, but she was so gleeful with the latnern she didn't listen. She finally noticed and dropped it, everyone shrieking, especially Valeria loool. She began to freak out, and I tried to direct her to get a wet towel. But the fire was contained and joined our seemingly constant troll character. We took little pictures and danced more. Now knowing how to light the lanterns, we lit the next, convinced it would fly. And it did. So So So highh. It was beautiful, and it smybolized the moment and the accomplishment, and so of course, it started to plummet down, right above the neighbourhood.. LOL I PaNICKED LIKE A LITTLE BITCH AND SPRINTED TO IT BECAUSE I CAN OUTRUN A FLYING LANTERN RIGHT??? We lost site of it, and Emma was far ahead. I called for her to return, but both of us being stubborn, she stayed and I returned to explain to Valeria's mom. I think I looked like a coward but oml that's what I was going to do to think over a plan. Welp, Valeria and Emma didn't come back for quite a while. Enough time for Arturo to do a little snitchin. Love that kid, but classic little friend's little brother - good and bad. Nbd though, they came back safe but I automatically felt friggin terrible - More on dat later. We decided to stay inside... Played with our toys and chatted a bit before we started the first movie. HUSSHH. Good movie, and I loved watching it with the Girls. (Note Katya said Dope would describe your life. Note watch Dope. Note you are dope). Now in da middle was when it got funnn ayeee lol. Oh Valeria and Peer Pressure and being a teenager. We all got maybe a solid half a shot, minus Valeria who got a sip lool. Birthday girl be wantin to drink a lot lol... (lowkey fear this and gettin lit with Emma just because yunno). Finished the agua and finished the movie. We laughed when Val said she stashed it in Monica's bag. After a night of sour patch kidz and bitchy kidz, the majority of the girls slept during Home. Katya, Emily, and I (#staywoke) made our way to Valeria's room and had a good one hour night's sleep :)
On to mis emotiones (moon face emoji):
Welp. I'm always trying to do the most. The stupidest 'most'. Like why did it have to be Dallas in the heat? And the ride complications?? I don't friggin think, and I didn't even know if Emma would enjoy it. (She for sure would have enjoyed the first idea though). I'm pissed at myself for not thinking about that, and what others would enjoy, and always having to second guess myself. I practically rejoiced when Emma wanted to cancel at first so I could revise the plan. I try to do so much that really isn't that hard to any other person and it's so much more pointless than doing something small and meaningful, something Emma would have actually enjoyed. I was so so extremely worried she wouldn't enjoy. The heat made me so friggin anxious, like the weather was my fault, and Dallas was my home and I wasn't being a good host. I spent so much stress planning and I kept worrying if Emma was enjoying herself or if she felt forced to come to Dallas in the friggin heat and honestly, I was laughing and smiling but i was just a little sad for some reason because I knew it wasn't exactly what Emma, or any of the girls, wanted to be doing. I know we enjoyed be around each other but did it have to be in Dallas on the day of like the hottest heat index ever??? literally. When Emily said 'Good Planning, Sam' I wanted to melt and breakdown. I know she was joking and we all generally enjoyed ourselves, but everyone's jokes, especially hers, have a hint of the truth. Well dis one reaked of it.. Then momma H said "it's the thought that counts" which always means the plan did not go well. Sad. and Emma looked miserable but she like she was fightin through it. I mean she looked happy like she was having fun, but I know she just wanted to collapse at home and take a shower. Then when the car almost hit me that's when momma's words hit me too. I always get 'too excited' and I don't think RIGHT???? I take STUPID 'risks' and do STUPID things that no one really cares for I just talk and started snowballing into the idea. I'm a coward as well. Then the lanterns oh my gosh. I hate myself. I really thought it was gonna be cute, and I think most of us thought it was and it was really fun playing outside, but making Emma and Val go through interrogation and the stress of that type of shit made me feel terrible. Then Val's mom coming out made me feel even worse, because I hate when moms don't like me. (Psychological revelation?? Not liking when moms don't like me rooted in my own relationship w my mother..? Real talk.. yikes) Anyways, I started feeling so guilty, but I think we all generally enjoyed the experience but my gosh what if it had gone wrong??? It really would have been all my fault, the weight on my shoulders r ieally no one else to blame. We went inside and I just wanted to breakdown in the bathroom I can feel how sad and pissed at myself I was right now. I think it's really rooted in the fact that I let my impulses just out rule me when I'm too excited around people, but I don't think enough about what other people want. And then my parents, especially, my mom seemed so pissed, but it was for Emma! and we were all able! JEsus. I guess I've learned that I hate guilt and being responsible for everyone because I don't wanna disappoint myself, and yet I like being responsible for everyone because I want the best for everyone but I don't think hard enough sometimes due to excitement. I also want a better relationship with my mom. (seriously. problems are arising again, especially with college coming up...)
Also, this is so selfish, but I got a little sad. In my POV, I tried so hard. It's probably easy to others, but I really did try hard to make it a good day for Emma even if it wasn't the ideal day (ideal is a good word). And I was so stressed, and for sure Val and Katya helped immmsensely. and monica with the shopping, kim with the poster, and the rest of the girls for really making the day, but i think i was just sad because well I just feel like my efforts went a little unnoticed. I wasn't on her snap or nuttin, I wasn't thanked specifically, but I don't think I really deserve it seeing as we sweat out half our body weight and almost became arsonists. It's okay, as long as she felt cared about and such.
Altogether, I truly hope Emma enjoyed the night because if it weren't for the fact that it was her birthday, no one would have tried as hard to show up. If Emma had more fun than she did despair and she felt how deeply we care about her, then screw the guilt or the disappointment because I'm glad she happy, good for nothing POS. Lol jk. But I seriously even wrote dis in my letter frfr that one day I hope she realizes how much we actually care about her.
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